Surviving the Snowpocalypse: How to Drive (A DC/MD/VA Driver’s Guide)
So the DC Metro area is still trying to dig itself out of a snow storm from last Friday when we got over 2 feet of snow in a matter of like 12 hours. On top of that, we’re poised to get another 10-20 inches over the course of tonight and the early morning of tomorrow. Awesome.
People have been trying their best to get prepared for the weather, buying space heaters and spreading salt over their sidewalks (btw DMV folks, table salt is not the same as the melting snow you can get at the store, though it can be somewhat effective), but few of them have figured out how to drive through this tundra. I’ve seen a number of my neighbors spun out, sliding around, or just plain stuck on the side of the road, most of them unnecessarily.
So here’s my contribution toward ending the chaos: the only five things you need to know about how to drive in the snow. Call it the first chapter in my Survival Guide to Snowpocalypse 2010.
1) Know Your Car – To drive in conditions like these, you have to be familiar with the strengths and weakness of your car. Don’t fear the weaknesses, but don’t be afraid to maximize the strengths either. Scan your car’s manual for the first time again – find out what all those buttons, lights and extra features you’ve been ignoring for the last two years actually do, they might come in handy on the road. If you have a sedan, don’t try to drive it like an SUV. There’s two feet of snow on the ground – that’s the same height as from the street to the bottom of your car door’s windows. Why are you trying to weave in and out of snowdrifts at 45 miles per hour over? At the same time if you have an SUV, don’t be so nervous that you end up driving it like a Pinto. Why are you paying for that big ass gas guzzler, if when some snow comes you’re not willing to at least put it in 2nd gear? By the way, that’s what your 2nd and Lower gear is for – snowy and icy roads.
2) Get All the Snow off Your Car Before Driving It: Start with the windshield. I know it seems like that 4″x4″ square of sight you’ve left yourself will be enough to make it to 7-Eleven, but remember that you’re just one of a thousand people racing there to try and buy the last ice-scraper. Avoiding an accident with one or all of those folks is worth the extra ten minutes it takes to make sure you can actually see out of your car. If you don’t have a scraper, turn your defrost on high and use a broom to brush away the loose snow. Some other good substitutes are plastic paint scrapers, CD cases, or plastic clothes hangers. Never use anything made of glass or you could permanently scratch it, and never use hot water to loosen the ice or you could crack your windshield.
Once all the windows are clear, I suggest getting all the snow off the top and front of your car. It sounds silly, but there’s nothing worse than coming to a stop at a red light, and all of a sudden a huge glacier of ice comes sliding down- it feels like someone just laid a blanket of snow (and embarrassment) over your face. Now you’re stuck standing in the intersection, getting cussed out by everyone behind you, as you try to clear off your windshield with a CD case. And getting all the snow cleared from the front of the car will keep flurries from blowing at you while you drive, increasing visibility.
3) Take Your Time – We’re calling it Snowpocalypse for a reason: it’s kind of like the end of the world up here. A lot of stores are randomly closed. Federal government employees haven’t had to report in for like 4 days now. The Metro is running on a limited schedule and all the grocery stores are empty because delivery trucks are running behind making deliveries. So where do you have so urgently that you’re driving as if it was a sunny-day in July. Slow your punk-ass down. Going 20 miles an hour and arriving to your destination a little late is a lot better than going at 50 and skidding off in to a parked car, light-pole, or a hidden median. It’s really just not worth it.
4) Keep Accelerating When Driving Uphill – Picture this: You’re driving home after raiding the grocery store for every last piece of meat you were willing to fight for. All the main roads are clear, but the side-street you live on is still a mess. On top of that, there’s a minor hill you’ll have to drive up: the kind you barely even notice in the summer, but has become somewhat of a mountain now that there’s two feet of snow and ice stuck to it. You slowly turn on to the side-street hoping for the best, but as you make your way up the hill, you notice your sedan struggling to make it. What do you do?
This might surprise you, but the answer is to speed up. There’s a few reasons that your car can get up to 140mph even though your highest local speed limit is 65 and this is one of them. Your little family car can make it over that iceberg in the middle of your street, but you have to be willing to press on the gas.
When it feels like your car is struggling a little more than it usually would, it’s only instinctive to want to slow down and take your foot off the gas, but it is also the best way to get stuck. When driving up a snowy hill, your tires are actually riding on top of the packed-down, somewhat solid snow. Rarely will your tire treads actually be cutting through it. When you slow down or stop, it gives your tires a chance to drift down in to the slush and lose traction. So the best thing to do is accelerate and force your tires to keep spinning. The momentum and potential energy built up from the tires will propel your car over the hill. If you feel yourself going too fast, ease off of the gas but don’t let your foot off of it completely. Be prepared to quickly turn the steering wheel if you hit some ice or feel the car going in the wrong direction.
5) Rock Your Way Out of Being Stuck: Getting stuck in this mess is almost inevitable. But if you’re on flat ground, nine times out of ten you can get yourself out without any help. The secret is to rock your car in and out of the spot it’s stuck in. Three simple steps: First, accelerate your car in the direction you want to go. Once you reach the point at which you’re stuck, come to a complete stop. Second, put it in reverse and let your car idle back to its original place. You should feel the car inch backward a little past where it originally got stuck. Last, accelerate hard again to move your car beyond the forward point of being stuck, even if it’s just a few inches. Keep repeating this process, making sure not to accelerate somewhat-forcefully – not enough to ruin your tires, but enough to build momentum. This trick always works for me within two or three trys. If you feel like you’re not making any progress, clear out the excess snow from your rims and tires and try again. If all else fails, find a friendly stranger to help give you a push when you’re accelerating.
That’s it. These five tips will keep you driving safely and smoothly around the beltway (that’s an expression; please stay off the beltway until all this shit melts). Good luck out there, stay warm, and now that you know how to drive in the snow, please stay the hell out of my way.
Typical negro meal. Fried pork and red Koop-aid dinner for the Super Bowl. Get some.
Catch me on Twitter for the rest of the game.
I thought we were giving this whole, “let’s stop being so politically conservative” thing a break as of 2008. No?
Landrieu labels himself a “moderate Democrat,” but considering the current political climate, and all the negative archtypes of liberalism (read, ‘threat to White privilege’) Nagin came to represent, I don’t know how I feel about this one, or what it might mean for midterm elections.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/06/mitch-landrieu-new-orlean_n_452450.html
Ummmm, so…yeah. What the fuck?!
My wife and I moved to DC from Ohio to get away from the snow. Not completely of course, but i thought winter’s were much more mild out here. And now, as of today, we’ve had over 33 inches, or 2.5 feet, of snow fall inside one fuckin’ winter season. I spent 26 years of my life in Ohio (and yes, I am only 26 years old), and the worst amount of snow I ever saw at one time was like 12 inches. Wtf?!?!?!
So yeah are you in a blizzard? Stuck trying to get somewhere or did you do the adult thing and buy any and all kinds of groceries earlier this week?
Watching this movie on HBO On Demand and uh…yeah. As the caption on the video says, pure science.
A 26 yar old Black man trying to become more than he is right now. First steps.
